Friday, May 27, 2011
Okay for real this time!
I really am having a hard time getting back into my "zone". Before when I lost 108 lbs I was at a point in my life where I really needed something to keep my mind off of everything that just ate me up inside. I was 28 my two beautiful children were 1 and 3, and I was in a very unhappy marriage. My dad died in June of 2007 and I moved into a house with my mother to help her since my dad had always been the one to handle all the financials. So here I was 28, mommy of two, unhappily married and living with my mother. I felt stuck. Life was not as I wanted it. Don't get my wrong I love my kids with every inch of me and I loved my mom but I did not love my husband and I did everything I could to stay away from him. That may sound horrible but he was a horrible husband. The entire time we were married I was the sole provider. He bouced from job to job and just did not want to work. He verbally abused me, called me everything you can think of. My list can go on and on. But that gave me the motivation to get out of the house and make a difference in my life...if that makes any since at all. I ended up losing 108 lbs and was feeling really good about myself. In August of 2009 my mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and was in the 3rd stage. I didn't deal with this very well and I ran from it. I did what I could for my mom but I had to get away everyday from that house. I walked. I started walking with a co-worker from work, Charles. He was my rock and he made me feel better about everything. He was there for me when I needed someone the most. My mom died in October 2009. It was so hard to see her laying in the hospital bed just lifeless. Sometimes I still can't believe she is gone. Everyday is still hard without her. But I had to pick up the pieces and get on with my life. I was still married to my ex-husband at the time, I had filed for divorce but was going through all the waiting period. Two days after I buried my mother he hit me. Told me I never cared about my mom and I didnt care about my kids. He hit me again and kicked me. I was not going to have this, my life was going to change for the good right then right there. I called the police. I put an EPO on him and from then on its history. I was away from him and moved on with my life. Believe me he was still around because of the kids and he still sees the kids but I don't have to see him everyday. YAY! Our divorce was final in Dec 2009. Remember that co-worker I walked with? Well he is now my husband. I love him more than I ever knew I could love a man. He has been the best thing for me and my kids. He is a great husband and a great stepfather. But we all know what happens when we are happy and comfortable? We gain weight and that is just what I did. I would never take back my happiness but I will be even more happy when this weight is gone. That is my next step to my happiness. Being comfortable in my own skin. I will lose this weight I will!