A lil 'bout me

I have been battling this weight for most of my adulthood.  Diet after diet after diet. It wasn't until after I got married the first time when I started to balloon out of control.  I didn't even realize what I looked like...until I saw this...
What the Fuuuuuuuuuuuu?!  I couldn't believe that was me.  How could I not know? And look I'm eating cake!  Stop eating!  Anyway I said that day I was going to start losing weight.  And I did.  I lost about 30 lbs and then I got pregnant. So I thought why diet I can eat what I want cause I have an excuse..I'm pregnant. The whole time I was preggo I actually lost weight.  Couldn't keep down a damn thing.  But I after I had my son all that weight went right back on.  When my son was about 10 months old I started weight watchers with a friend.  We started walking then we joined a gym together.  We were doing really well and I had lost 30 lbs...again.  Well guess what I got pregnant again.  The same mind set came right back.  I don't have to lose weight I am pregnant, in my sarcastic whiny voice.  The whole time I was pregnant I craved coconut cream pies. But oddly enough I didn't gain any weight during that pregnancy.  After I delivered my 8lb 11oz baby girl I put on even more weight! But I once again forgot how big I was in the picture above and just keep stuffing crap in my mouth.

On Halloween we all dressed up at work.  I decided I would be a cute "lil" bunny...haha little my ass!  I looked like the damn Easter bunny! Here is a picture:

Wow oh wow. This picture was hung up in our office and I quickly took that SOB down. And I never gave it back, in fact I still have it, in my desk at work.  I took this picture as motivation and from that day on decided to change my life.  With in the next year and half I lost 108 lbs.  It was slow but steady and I was so proud of myself.  Here is what I looked like.

 Pretty drastic change if you ask me.  I felt so good about myself and got so many compliments.  My confidence level went sky high and I was still a big girl! But then everything changed.

In the summer of 2009 I filed for divorced from my then husband.  I was so unhappy for so long and my happiness was slowly coming back with every pound I lost.  So I started to work on the other things in my life that made me unhappy.  My then husband was one of those things. At this time he hadn't worked in almost two years!  I had to worry about everything...EVERYTHING!  He was unsupportive in my weight loss, he was verbally abusive, and I was living in a loveless..affection less marriage.  I had to get out to make myself happy.  While we were waiting for all of the divorce proceedings to take place my mom became sick and was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer.  I was devastated.  My mom was dying and there was nothing I could do.  The pounds started slowly coming back.  My mom died in October only two short months after she was diagnosed.  I was an emotional roller coaster.  I had to get my life together and do it then.  To make things short I moved on with my life.  Divorced a horrible man and married a wonderful man.  But within all of this I gained 66 lbs back.  I have now vowed to get that small child back off my ass plus some. Thanks for reading my blog and coming along on my journey to loss this weight.

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